More than once, I’ve been accused of being rude, or bitchy, or cruel. It’s never been my intent to be any of those things, so I’m probably just more thoughtless. Not without thoughts, no, nobody would ever accuse me of that, but apparently I just don’t think enough about what kinds of things might be really hurtful to people, mostly because those things wouldn’t be hurtful to me. However, it’s become pretty clear to me over the years that lots of folks are more easily hurt than I am, so I kind of need to be more thoughtful before I open my mouth sometimes.
Or type something. The world of FB has brought me to the place of not even having to open my mouth to be offensive or hurtful. Sorry.
What inspires this little post is that an old friend of mine actually kicked my ass the other day, created a nice little personal hell for me. She was pretty thoughtless, and I wonder if it was a revenge thing or something, or if it really never crossed her mind just what a difficult situation I find myself in. And man, the put yourself in my shoes, bitch, sure did come to mind.
She was responding to a post in which I’d said that a friend’s mother had informed me that I “could not abandon my baby”, in reference to the fact that I’ve got to find something to do with my cat, or take him to live on the road with me. He’s not even really a house cat; life in automobile would not suit him, at all.
I got the statement, completely, from the woman who said it to me in person. One of her kids was murdered over a baseball game, something she never fully recovered from. People don’t recover from such things. I get her perspective, totally.
I can also ignore it, totally.
That my friend made the same statement kind of made me want to tell her to f**k right off.
Not that I’d do such in a thing just as a matter of conversation, not at all. It’s that I’ve not heard word one from the woman in years, she’s one of those over the top uppity scientists who no doubt thinks I’ve gone off the deep end for rejecting the life of the academic (which she, too, rejected, lucky soul has a husband who supports her), as well as much of the standard dogma of science, but my views on spirituality and those things beyond science, they've, undoubtedly has left her thinking that I’ve lost it. I can just hear her gossiping about me, the way she liked to gossip about our other colleagues. And it's not science uppityness, no, I know lot of scientists, it's kind of a New England thing, she from here, and it is here, for sure.
After all, I didn’t go to Cornell.
But no, her flippant statement about how I can’t abandon the cat just slayed me. She’d last, oh, maybe a minute or two with him. Maybe. My patience is so much greater than hers, she who failed more students than any other faculty member on campus, had zero tolerance for their lack of ability, she who dismissed a very bright colleague as “such an Okie”, one who does not share her New England uppity ass world view.
So yeah, I’ve thought of that old friend of mine several times over the past few days. I’ve wept a few times about the cat, Bubba Snooks. Silly me, why weep?
This is the thing. Folks don’t get it, it’s kind of like trying to explain blackness to the white guy or poverty to the rich, stupidity to the bright person.
I don’t have a lot of choice in the matter. Telling me that I can’t “abandon my baby” is about like telling me to sit here and keep this house for him until I’m completely broke and forced into homelessness, rather than doing the best I can with what I’ve got right now.
I should drop the cat off at her place. I suppose it’s less rude than telling her to f**k off.