AI has been in the news a lot lately, or at least in IFLS a lot lately, lots of the news about blunders, but as a binary type and one who has also been sexually harassed in this life, and kind of raped, something I’ve thought about lots and lots over the years, lots of women would say oh yeah, rape, my wise elder of a psychologist said that, lots of men, no, not even close, and vice versa, such opinions aren’t totally gender oriented, and I’ve just about gotten to the place of no, but close, but not really, because I was not physically overpowered by the guy in question. Ultimately, I gave in.
Coercion, for sure. Scumbaggery? Well, I’d have to get into the details, and I don’t want to, but yeah, I’d toss old whats his name into that category, for sure. He had a pretty nefarious life after that, too, as I understand it.
Harassed? A few times. Once pretty intensely, but ultimately, I jumped right into a relationship there, so go figure. I suppose if I’d not been harassed I’d never have jumped right into the relationship, but still, I jumped. And I harassed right back, without saying f**k right off. When it comes down to it, almost all of the harassment in my life was met with a no nonsense f**k right off from me, mostly because I’d already had the displeasure of Mr. Scumbaggery and knew damned well I wasn’t going there again.
That had been costly. I set clear boundaries thereafter.
At any rate, another sexual episode that has oft come to mind in my life, and this one was a three week episode, the magical romantic run through Greece and its Isles making mad passionate love with a beautiful Austrian man, so sweet, one who probably looks like Werner Klemperer used to look if he’s still alive, and I’ll always remember his approach to getting me in the sack that first night we met was to say, gee, I like you, would you like to sleep with me?
It was really that simple.
And so it occurs to me, if we’re going to live in a culture that has as much baggage with sexual harassment as it has, gosh, we could make a few simple yes/no rules that would solve everything. And it could be transgender, like, used with all sorts of gender relationships, but particularly with those physically intimate.
Assume you meet someone with whom you’d like to be physically or sexually intimate. It could go like this:
Gosh Marvin, I’d like to be physically intimate with you. May I hold your hand? Note that check one box comes immediately to mind, but I’m old school and have the mentality of a 10 year old, and we’re talking conversation here and not note passing, so there you go. But in conversation, those yes or no questions tend to work really well with just about anyone, and anything.
I mean, it worked well for Alois, that’s for sure.
Thing is, Marvin has the option of saying, no thanks, I’m uncomfortable with hand holding. And of course in the work place or on the streets or in the bar or on campus, or at the library, one always has the option of saying f**k right off, repeatedly, if necessary, or being more polite about it if that’s called for. I suppose if someone in the work place is saying things sexually offensive or some such, one has the option of noise canceling headphones, pretty much the same option one has in defense against any other aural assault, such as inane conversation or fascist or racist worldviews or other irritating noises.
Physical harassment? That’s assault. If it's sexual, after a clear no, it's crossing a line, and it's sexual assault. Even a no thanks to hand holding is pretty clear. A no at any stage of the binary safe or out at first or second base, yeah, old Meatloaf’s stop right there might suck when you’re sliding into home, but oh well, a girl can always go pleasure herself if a guy decides at the last minute he doesn’t want to, and sometimes that old long shot out comes flying in from the outfield in ways unexpected. Except no is far easier than is out or safe, no means no, no umpire needed, no instant replay. And yeah, it works both ways, sometimes girls change their minds, too.
Clearly I’m kidding, in terms of gender, but not really. If yes to home is a go, a guy is pretty much going to score. A woman might well be left in the dust of his slide to the plate. Still, yes it was, no question.
Scoring in the baseball game of sex is often quite different for men than for women, no doubt about it. Perhaps that’s why women so often feel so sexually harassed. Food for thought, and I’m hungry.