Many men name their penises. I’ve met quite a few, have been formally introduced a time or two. My all time favorite was Mr. Happy, not that “he” was my favorite penis, and in fact, I never actually met Mr. Happy, but his person, Roger, the late Roger now, gods, getting old sucks, but the late Roger told lots of really great stories about his adventures with Mr. Happy, and I thought that that was just a really swell name for a penis.
Particularly a swelled one.
There was Herbie, and Stumpy, and Little Dude, who really wasn’t all that little, at all. Once I even named my vagina, I think I called it Gladys, but it’s not like I really thought about it being a separate entity, I just had a man friend who had a penis called Herbie and he wanted (the guy, not the penis) for the vagina Herb was visiting to have a name, so I thought, WTF, Gladys.
Gladys worked, I sure wasn’t going to call it Tightie Whitey or The Abyss or anything.
But it had no personality, other than being receptive, I guess, and really, giving it a name to entertain some silly man did in no way, shape, or form, confer personhood upon it, or give it a life of its own.
That’s kind of the bizarre thing about men and their dicks, or some men I should say, not all, but so many, is that they can sit there with their dicks in their hands and carry on conversations with it, they can blame all sorts of bad behaviors on it, they can hate it, love it, obsess over it, go into mental health meltdown over it.
It’s a hunk of flesh.
Most of them are pretty much the same. I’m going to go right on out a limb and assure each and every one of you of the male species out there, there’s just not all that much over the top variety in dicks. Yes, some are really big, and some are really small, but the vast majority are pretty, well, average.
And no, those wonkers in the porn movies are not average. They’re big dicks on short men, so they look even bigger. Personally, I’d rather not be beaten to death with a massive meat mallet, blunt force trauma to the bladder sucks, and speaking of sucking, bigger is not better.
So, for all of you fellows with diminutive dickies, don’t worry about it.
Vaginal orgasm? Damned near non-existent. I promise, it’s rare for a penis to be the thing that gives a woman an orgasm. And if you’ve got one of those little dinky dudes, one that falls right on out of the pit of pleasure, frustratingly so, fine, just use it outside, up there where the action is. Those little dudes get a whole lot harder than the wonking big weenies, that’s a fact, it’s a whole lot easier to maintain massive blood supply in a small area than it is in a large one, go figure.
But the dualism thing just really got me this morning, occurred to me in a big way. I was thinking about one of my epic works, which I’ve called “Men and Their Dicks”, and it occurs to me that that’s it. There’s a dualism there, even at the level of self, that women just don’t have.
Guess what, guys? You’re in charge. Mr. Happy does not run the show, not unless you put him there, he does not have a mind of his own, no matter how much you might like to blame him for your actions.
They’re all yours.