My interaction with the Dragon led me right back to the yellow brick road of cyberspace. Since the trolls seemed to have pointed me out to him, I figured they were a pretty friendly lot. I liked the Dragon bunches.
Thing is, trolls are like anything else. Mostly, they’re well meaning and nice, and some are just bloody brilliant. Some can make a person LOL; hell, there have been a few who made me ROFL, TSDMF, C,G,WMP, with something akin to LSD flashback level amusement. Some are irritating little twerps, nigglers, instigators of discord, thorns in the side, blisters on the butt, asshats.
Trolls are a lot like people.
One day, I came across a troll holding a meme that said I support the right to arm Bears. It was Goldilocks, wandering around under the pseudonym Eyes Is.
Oh Pulease, Goldilocks, do you think I don’t recognize you there? You want more guns? In the hands of the Bears? Is Baby Bear going to get one that’s just right?
Lighten up Schaufelkot! You’re taking this out of context, it’s a private joke with me and the bears. Get a life, will you?
And she was a good witch? Heck, maybe I was a good witch, too. Suddenly the King of the Troll Forest jumped into the scene.
Hah! Put 'em up! Put 'em - up! Which one of you first? I'll fight you both together, if you want. I'll fight ya' with one paw tied behind my back! I'll fight ya' standin' on one foot! I'll fight ya' with my eyes closed.
Who the hell is this guy? Inquired Goldilocks. What big balls he has!
Oh, pullin' the sex angle on me, eh? Sneakin' up on me, eh? Why!
Here - here. Go away and let us alone. Like she said, get a life. What the hell. I wasn’t going to let this Tom Cat get in on my bitch fight. Who the hell did he think he was?
Oh, scared, huh? Afraid, huh? Hah! How long can you possibly travel the yellow brick road of the web in that tin can of a PC? With that lame ass connection! Come on, get up and fight, you braying jackass of gun control extremist! Put your hands up, you pigtailed pussy of pacifism!
Now that's getting personal, Lion. Goldilocks was shocked. That was the way with those of fairy tales. Real world interactions were hard on them. It had been the same way with the Dragon.
Yes, get up and teach him a lesson. I was new to the world of online interactions of this magnitude. I figured I’d let the good witch handle it.
Well, what's wrong with you teachin' him? Goldilocks was putting it on me.
Well, I hardly know him. For all I know, he could be a line of code.
Hello, I’m right here. Do you think I can’t see what you’re saying? You’re just a bitch! Apparently the king of the trolls had some personal identity issues associated with spambots.
Oh! Shame on you! Goldilocks spoke up. She really was a good witch, quite protective of the bumpkin in the bad shoes from Oklahoma.
The Lion started mewing.
It’s hard being King of the Forest! Every time one of the trolls does something stupid, who do they point at? They point at the King, that’s who. And what thanks do I get? I get all the trash sucked up in the storm and dropped down in the land over the rainbow and I’m supposed to deal with it. Why, if I had an emerald for every flying monkey turd I’ve had to deal with I could build a city! And don’t get me started on the poppy heads. They don’t know the way here at all, they just kind of stumble in on dumb luck.”
It's bad enough picking on a witches, but when you go around picking on poor little lost sheep.” Kali had channeled in through Goldilocks.
Storm trash? Lost sheep? Hello? Who’s being insensitive now folks? They’d seemed to have forgotten about me.
Well, you didn't have to go and give me a frownie face, did you? Did I get any more frownie faces? The Lion in Winter.
Well, of course not. My goodness, what a fuss you're making! Goldilocks knew how to handle him. Naturally when you go around picking on things weaker than you are, you’re going to be seen as nothing but a great big coward!
Weaker? Hello? I’m still here! I was still there.
You're right, I am a coward! I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself. Look at the circles under my eyes. Please don’t tell the Wicked Witch. I don’t want to be sent to Neuterville.”
Ah, so that explained it. I’d seen the shit the flying monkeys were pushing for the old green hag, it was pretty vile stuff.
I haven't slept in weeks. The lion was circling a sunny spot offline, yawning.
Why don't you try counting sheep? I figured maybe I could get back in the conversation.
That doesn't do any good - they make me hungry. I get pissy with the vegans.” He yawned again.
Yeah, the militant vegan trolls are a nasty lot, aren’t they? I’d been attacked by several already along the yellow brick road. They could smell my carnivore status in the droppings I’d left hither and yon along the roadside.
They’re nothing compared to the Wicked Witch. A guy doesn’t dare get worked up over fine young pussy in heat, mark his spots. And Wizard forbid he get in a fight with one of the other Toms in the hood. Nope, do that and it’s off to Neuterville. He was clearly dozing off, I started worrying about the things the trolls might tell the witch about him.
I like your big balls, Lion. He really was a pussycat.
You’re okay, too, even if you are storm trash. Want to see a picture of my cub? Isn’t she precious?
She sure is. You’re a nice lion. And watch out who you’re calling storm trash. I’m good with orchiectomy. Let me post you a lullaby.
I did a quickie Youtube search.
“Wee-ooh wim-o-weh. Wee-ooh wim-o-weh……………”
I decided to head back out into the sunshine. I’d had enough of trolls for a while.
Linda Brooke Stabler, Ph.D.