The trumpet blared, waking the man from a dead sleep, or so he thought. A beautiful woman sat on his bed, smiling down at him lovingly.
“Who are you?” he asked, smiling, aroused, starting to wonder if maybe he was dreaming.
“I am Baltha, the Succubus.” She smiled again and winked.
This was getting good, he’d go with it.
Suddenly another weight came down on the bed opposite the side of the raven haired beauty. He turned to see a skinny old black woman with blue eyes giving him quite a different look. Her faced was scrunched up the same way he tended to scrunch his when he had to think too hard.
“I’m Tante, the Auntie Christ. I’m here to make a deal for your soul.” She’d decided the best course of action with this guy was a straight-forward, no nonsense, get down to business and cut a deal approach. She’d try some reason.
He looked taken aback.
“Let me introduce my associates.” She continued. “This is Haile.”
The tall thin black one stepped forward and smiled.
“I manage the 0’s and 1’s, the imaginary thing called money. As you well know from experience, the 0’s and 1’s can come and go, poof, just like magic, the markets of mystery and currencies of control are an illusion. You have no power over them. You have no power over anything. Even the POTUS will have no power when the end of times goes down.”
“I’ve lost millions lots of times, there’s nothing to it!” His response was incoherent, yet typical.
Haile just sighed.
“The is Haile’s associate, Ja.” Tante swept her hands toward the big white haired man.
“My father’s people eat their dead.” his expression was dire. “When fascists fall, the revolutionaries are often unkind. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. When the end of times go down he who was first will be last.”
“You mean like Soylent Green? I’ve thought about making that part of my USDA policy. We can import from third world countries.”
Ja and Haile sighed together.
“And here are Yin and Yang.” Tante nodded in their direction. The twins were not intwined, the tension between them was scattered and chaotic.
“What the hell are they?”
“We are China.” Yin.
“We own your country.” Yang.
“We can sell your soul to the wicked ones,” they said in unison.
“You’re losers. Just wait ’til I get you to the negotiating table and level the playing field. We’re tough.” He was waking up, or at least it felt like it.
“We are China.” Yin.
“We can crush you at the negotiating table.” Yang.
“Our numbers of hopeless young men are significantly greater than yours”. In unison.
“We are smart.” Yin.
“We make things.” Yang.
“You and your imaginary 0's and 1's are powerless.”
“What the fuck is this? I liked the Succubus, what’s with all you weirdos? How the hell did you get into my dreams when I’ve never seen you before?” All grogginess was definitely gone.
“Ah, you like Baltha?” Tante asked.
“Yeah, she’s pretty hot.”
“Yes, I am hot. I am every woman you have ever wanted, every woman you’ve ever loved.” Beautiful Baltha leaned down and got closer to him, right in his face, her scent musky as she lowered her voice to a sultry whisper. “I’m every woman who has ever loved you, every one who has rejected you. I am the girl who teased you when you were thirteen. I am your mother. I am the mother holding her baby, standing at a wall you wish to build, dying of thirst and hunger. I am the daughter of the faceless enemy you so cavalierly say must die to make your country great again. I am….”
“STOP IT!” the man cried out.
“Ah, so you don’t like Baltha? Which is it?” Tante began to speak in a low drone. The twins started emitting a captivating binaural harmony as Ja settled in to tapping out a shaman’s beat on the dresser he stood beside in the man’s dream.
“As I said before, I am Tante, the Auntie Christ. My associates and I are representatives of planet Earth, here before you at the negotiating table of your dreams.”
“You can’t represent planet earth, there’s only two white guys here and the man-eater looks like he has some high yeller to him.” Ja’s Tibetan heritage combined with that of his great white beast of a father produced an interesting look that the bad haired one couldn’t put his usual bigoted and classificatory finger on, but his eyes were glazed, he was falling under the hypnotic spell being cast.
“Perhaps I can be of assistance, as the whitest representative of our group.” Arnold stepped forward and handed the pajamaed man his card. Hathali and Elison, Attorneys at Law.
“My name is Arnold Elison and this is my lovely wife Yanaha Hathali. Yanaha graduated top of her class from Yale law back in ’67 and is prepared to use your rhetoric on immigration policy and her expertise in that branch of US due process to expel you and the rest of the Imperialist Dogs from this country. The current changes taking place on the Supreme Court and the degeneration of this particular election season into discussion of who has the biggest hands concomitant to never-ending war and environmental degradation has led to a situation wherein the powers that be are stepping in and taking charge.”
Yanaha waved her fingers at him. “We’d like to make you an offer you can’t refuse.”
“I’m listening.” He really was. The sudden switch of Baltha from something sweet to something sour had shaken him. Not only that, they out numbered him, and every one of them creeped him out, a lot.
“As soon as you’ve got the GOP nomination in the bag, come out and tell the world it was all a gag, a pilot for a new reality TV show you’re producing in association with FOX for the fall season.” Arnold was gathering a stack of papers together.
“I’m still listening.” He smirked.
Tante took his hand.
“Think about it, it would be so punk. You could come out as a cool guy, get the late night TV show hosts to be nice to you. And you wouldn’t have to make any hard decisions at all, whatever poor bastard actually wins the election will have to deal with what’s to come.”
“What’s to come?” They had him.
“That is not for us to know.” Tante winked at him.
“Why do you come to me?” Oh yeah, they had him.
“You are one of us, cousin. It seems we’re all related. My father Josef is your second cousin on your father’s side.” Tante smiled at him. “You’re our token WASP guy. You are one of the chosen ones for the Apocalypse. ”
The man woke from his dream, panting.
The circle in the front room in Mendocino came out of its trance. Baltha’s skill as a Succubus had allowed her to let them all into the man’s dream that night.
“Wow, that was kind of weird. There’s lots of ugly stuff inside that guy’s head for sure.” Tante had never participated in such an overtly offensive mind meld before.
“We’ll see if that’s enough.” Yanaha’s magic with herbs had been vital to the exercise as well. It was only the pure Terran’s experience with psychedelics that allowed them to cross the astral planes and enter the weird one’s dreams along with the others.
“And if it’s not?” Ja was the most hesitant to fuck with the guy's head. He was more into overt overthrow of the whole show.
“We’ll show up at the convention. If he starts seeing the demons of his dreams in person, maybe he’ll pay attention.” Baltha kind of liked showing him what one of the women the policies he supported had killed looked like, up close and personal.
“He can’t resist the idea of being the cool guy for the late night TV hosts. You just wait and see.”
The Auntie Christ had spoken. She felt she already knew her distant cousin well.
The End is Near